One year ago today I became a mom for the 5th time. I remember it being one of those experiences where I wanted to savor every. single. moment. I remember being on the operating table, looking up at the bright lights, thinking "I will never do this again", and it made me sad. There is something special about every delivery. There is bonding between husband and wife, newborn and our Heavenly Father that only happens in that wonderful moment when the first cry is heard. I have really struggled processing the fact that I will not have that experience again. Not too long ago I was making a visit to an elderly woman in our ward who was in the hospital and it hurt to walk those halls. I remembered taking a stroll a few days after delivery and walking those same halls in a hospital gown...anxious to get back to the nursery to snuggle my sweet new baby. I loved the hospital. I loved the endless hours of peace, quiet and bonding. I loved eating hospital food. I loved visitors, especially my dad who was already there seeing patients and would pop in when I needed an uplift the most. I loved everything about each delivery experience.
Such is life. We push forward, day by day, not knowing what wonderful experiences lie ahead of us. Some days are beautiful and somedays are difficult but each day happens and something new is learned. Emma has completed our little family and has taught me so much this year. I didn't think my heart could love as much as I love my children. This year I have not slept through the night once but have loved every single minute snuggling Emma in bed with me while she nursed herself back to sleep. Knowing that she is my last baby has made me love every milestone that much more. Today I find myself smiling but sad as we celebrate Emma. Smiling because she is mine forever and because she brings me so much joy but feeling sadness as I understand that there will likely not every be a first birthday celebrated in our house again. So today we will celebrate right. Happy Birthday Emma Renee!
3 comments:
Beautiful words. She is a sweetheart and the perfect addition to your fabulous family.
Great post! I wish I was brave enough to have a fifth baby. Your face says it all!
Hey Renee!
Obviously it's been a long time since I checked in on you, but I had to comment.
This post spoke to my heart. I have been trying not to grieve too much over letting these babies grow up. It's true that each new day brings new experiences and we should celebrate that. Your family is so cute! Hope you are all doing well.
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